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Effing the Ineffable
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a blog about things of much importance.
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Haircuts and Thick Descriptions
Good morning and welcome back to my blog. It is Sunday and you should be in church. But I guess by the time you read this, you'll be back from church. Let me just get you up to speed. Me, i'm just sitting here drinking coffee. My house is a wreck. I have no milk. On my Toastie O's I have substituted water in its absence. Outside it is snowing. Again. The weather report says today will be a balmy high of 29. I am out of good dry wood. I put up a nice pile of oak the other day. Too bad it is all too green--so it does me little good. This means my house is a chilly one. The follies of our own device... I layer up, I keep moving. Due to today's precipitation, the deer will be moving. Because of too many cold and fruitless hours spent pursuing these nocturnal creatures as of late, I have grown a little bitter towards bowhunting, and I would love to just not go. I fear, however, that my bowhunting has taken a turn for the vindictive. I am Ahab; they are my little white whales--the walls...
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Enter the Winter (Part I)
This morning, I woke up and looked outside. BRRRRRR!!!
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What time is it? It's winter-time!!!
Yeah. Duh. No shit! And it's been this way for the past week or so. Autumn's exit was so sudden. She was lingering around for longer than usual, and i was starting to get used to the idea that maybe she was here to stay. But no. She dipped unexpectedly. The weatherman told me she would, but I didn't believe him. I was beginning to feel like she really cared. Looking back on it, I had a feeling something was up the day before she split. Things just felt a little...different. Was she growing cold? I couldn't really put my finger on it, so dismissively went to bed, reassured by her loving 60-degree temps. Sure enough, the next morning, I woke up cold. She was gone. Shriveled and quivering I ran to the window and looked outside. Maybe she was still there--maybe I could stop her.
She was gone. While I slept, she had packed up her things quietly and hit the road. No goodbyes, no explanations, no...
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John Averette, The Blog. First Post, Part I--"Welcome to My Blog."
Good day to you, and welcome to my blog. How fortuitous for you that you have stumbled upon it. My question to you:
Why are you here?
Ask yourself this question. Perhaps you will say you were guided here by providence. Or improvidence. Maybe you seek safe harbor from the tempestuous seas of internet vice. Or you are lying in wait for something awesome to happen on Facebook. A watched pot never boils, and you know this, so you come here. You have better things to do--productive things--things which you are putting off. They will find you, these things...
Me, I am here for these reasons. I am putting things off. Lolly-gagging, as they say. I was supposed to go bouldering an hour and a half ago. I am supposed to look at a bathroom job. I need to fill out school applications. Pay bills. Check up on the Facebook. Get out of these sweatpants. You know, get stuff done. Important stuff.
Yet I blog.
And you, you find yourself here, reading my blog. Snap out of it. You have things to do. What a waste of your time. You could be so...
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